um...

guess i feel a bit better today. sorry everyone for the negativity. guess i needed to vent. i'm a bit embarassed about my last and only blog entry and was thinking about deleting it, but hell! everyone's felt like I do at some point or other. (or most people i know anyway.) so, i'll leave it. still a bit uncomfortable with it being out there, though. guess i'll have to deal with it...

Tired

Alright, so here's the deal. I'm fucking tired! After many years of working hard to figure out what I really want to do, working all kinds of crazy shitty jobs and struggling to make enough money to survive, I have finally gotten to the point where maybe, quite probably, I know what I truly, truly want to do. I want to write. I want to write articles for magazines and travel publications, and write comic books and screenplays, and maybe lots more things. Yay, right!?! It's about freaking time I figured it out. I'm 28 already! Of course, deciding that you want to write, and make a living at it, is like deciding that you want to be an actress. Good fucking luck! But anyway... So, I decided that I really need to get a steady job to support myself while I set out to "make this dream a freakin' reality." And I got one rather easily! And now, I'm just tired. Tired of my nearly minimum wage job at a book store, tired of having to keep positive about the suckiness that is my life, tired of having people ask me what i'm up to so that I have to pretend to be positive and optimisitic when I'm just not feelin' it right now. I know that's it's just the adjustment period of a new job and my allergies that are kicking my ass and making me all tired. I know! I know I'm a little grumpy whiner when I'm sick and/or tired. I do know! But shit! Something's got to give, man! I had thought that the hard part was over. I thought that once I figured it all out that life wouldn't be so much of a struggle. But here I am, still working hard, still struggling to make enough money to survive, still wondering what I'm doing. I guess I've gone too far to give up now. And I don't have anything to fall back on anyway, so onward, ho!! But I'm tired, man! I'm just so tired!