my best friend theresa was pregnant and just lost her baby. "lost her baby" sounds vague and distant, like lock and key words to keep the horrible and painful reality far away. the truth is cruel and sad and brutal and just makes me sick. just a week ago, theresa was expecting to have her baby in february, and went in to her 2nd routine sonogram. that's when she and her sister and mother found out that the baby was no longer alive. i've heard of miscarriages before. every woman knows of at least one woman who's suffered such a horrible blow. but i guess i never really thought about the fact that this baby that was living and growing inside, this child that is now dead has to come out somehow. the horrible and just downright tragically, sickly cruel fact is that after going through the emotional shock and pain of the loss of a child, the women have to go through the pain of childbirth anyway. all of that pain and work and trauma and at the end of it, all they have is death. it just makes me so sad. i am more upset about this than when my grandmother died. i am sad for theresa. heartbroken for her. i mourn for her and her son that didn't make it.
now, she's in the hospital recovering over the pain of having to take pills to induce labor, jerking her body into overwhelmingly painful and sudden contractions so that she could actually give birth to her dead baby at 7pm on monday. now she's got vicodan to ease the physical pain and some of the emotional one as well, but soon, the meds will be gone and the pain will settle in. and i hurt for it. i cry because of it and all i can do is try to be there when she needs it and send her the loving and healing energy that she'll need to get through this. and hope she knows that i'm here for her. i love you, theresa! and i'm here for you!
