mommy dearest

i've been working so hard lately and it doesn't seem to end. when my life gets this way it always makes me depressed and feel trapped and lonely and like all i have in my life is harshness and mess. i just want to run away. and really, i just want my mommy to hug me and kiss me and tell me that everything's going to be okay. i really miss my mom. i know she's probably having a great time in india and egypt and malaysia. she finally got to get away from her life in houston that always tired and overwhelmed her. it made her sick. i'm glad that she's able to be in a place where she can rest and not have to work, but to tell you the truth, it feels like she ran away from me too. like i am as much a part of her life that she couldn't handle as the rest of it and now she's free. i know she loves me, but still... maybe i'm too dependent on my mother. i mean, i haven't actually lived in the same city as she has for years and i've always had my own life, but it really bothers me that i can't access her when i want to, i can't call her when i want to hear her voice. i can't go see her when i want to get away. i just really miss her. i know i'm an adult and in some ways, i really need to grow up, but i'm tired and sometimes i just want to lay on the couch with my mom while she holds me until i fall asleep. maybe i just need a vacation. maybe i just need a man. or maybe i just need to get some more sleep, but i just want my mom to make it all go away - even though i know that's not how it works.