so, these past few years have been intense and i guess there's been a lot of dark spots, and a lot of dark things i didn't know were there have come to the surface. i've started to feel the need to be brutally honest about the angst and struggle and darkness i feel, because it's as much a part of me as anything else and i've hidden it for a long time. (at least i never allowed myself to admit when things were bad. even if it was obvious.) still, the dark and bad things are not all of me and i've realized that i really need to stop just using the blog as a way to "embrace the dark" without letting out the light as well. it's not really very good for me. so, i've decided to change my blog and write about the good and bad and mundane and crazy and silly and all of it because THAT is who i really am. and i don't think my current blogging patterns really reflect that.
i'm a believer that you get back the energy you put into the world and, to a certain degree, you can affect things in your life by changing the way you approach it. a lot of people would claim that that's what "magic" really is. anyway, things get stressful for me and i have a lot going on, and it's easy for me to say everything sucks and that i'm just tired and stressed all the time, but it's not really the truth. i AM tired and i AM stressed, but i'm also accomplishing a lot and learning a lot about the way that i want to live my life (and how i don't). there's a big learning curve there! but, ultimately, it's all about balance and it's better for me to live in that balance.
my wonderful friend carl wrote me a letter about 8 years ago when he was moving away from austin that i still have. in it is a quote from a taoist text that still seems to sum up what i'm talking about:
"Damnation is in you. So too is salvation. You are the prince of darkness. You are also the prince of light. Neither can be cast out of yourself. The valiant coping with that dichotomy is the poignancy of this life."
so, anyway, here it is: my newly altered approach to the whole blog thing:
my blog of darkness is now my blog of light and darkness.
