forever 29

i'm about to turn 29 and it's kind of wigging me out. it doesn't help that i look young. people assume that i'm still in college and ask me about my classes and i have to tell them that i graduated from college 7 years ago. it used to be something i enjoyed hearing. the "do you go to school?" question. then, i could be the big girl and say with glee, "no, i graduated blank years ago." but as the number keeps growing, as it's already been a year since my 10th year high school reunion, it starts to take on new meaning. whereas before, i sensed amazement at the fact that i might have more wisdom than i appeared to, now i feel people thinking, "what have you been doing with yourself?" like all of the sudden, my time has run out and now, i'm too old to be where i am in my life. too old to not really date. too old to not be settled. too old to live like i do. to be searching. to still be so much like a child. i mean, i know i've got issues and a lot of deep, dark stuff that has held me back in the way i go through life, but i never realized how much until times like this. when i compare the way that other people live their lives and the distant way that i live mine. all i can say is that i know. and i'm working on it. it's all i can do, really, while i watch another year go by.