Complete Wigging

Well, I guess I don't feel as completely bitter today. My bitterness has been replaced with complete anxiety, with the nagging feeling that I have no control over any of this. I've done what I can. I can't do anything else today, but I'm still sitting at this desk with nothing to do, but fidget and freak out. I really do have anxiety issues. I'm a freak outer. It's pretty pathetic. And rather distressing. Actually, really facing up to that brings back many a flashback from my not-too-distant past of utter, unable to deal wigging -- usually related to a boy. And a few friends too. I don't think that I'm ultra high maintenance in the classical sense of the term. But I think I'm a sleeper high maintenance person. You'd never know it, and I'm not always even aware of it when it's happening, but don't react or be the kind of friend that I need and want you to be and deep down inside the beast is awoken. And it wants revenge!! Or at least to establish its own dominance and independence. That's whack!! Anyway, it's hard to admit, but it's true and I'm getting to the point where I've realized it's all about my own self worth. My own shit and I need to deal and get over myself. Don't we all. Oh well, more anxiety later. There's plenty more to go around!!